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Post by Razar on Aug 12, 2017 20:18:15 GMT
 Adoption thread link N/A *Name: Hardy-Har-HarNickname: Haybail *Class: bird *Species: Red-Tailed Hawk *Age: teenager *Gender: Male *Personality:He is a Tough bird, but he often makes rude puns and he scavenges food from the sea like most fishbaits do, he has a long way before he can be trusted. Hardy-har-har hates being annoyed as well as he smells like fish. Positive: alert,courageous,fair Negative: Rude, Untrustworthy, crafty Neutral:tough,ambitious,boyish *Appearance: Muddy brown feathers, yellow jagged beak, yellow feet, big claws, scar on his left eye.*Body size: average, Muscular *Color: Brown *Eye color: Hazel Significant features : Jagged beak, muddy feathers, Scratched up clawed out eye.Ambitions/goals: To survive, and be the best pirate he can be*Rank: Fishbait*Personal history: His left eye was clawed out by raiding another birds home, they tore his left eye out and gave him a bad scar, he became a fishbait when he recently joined the pirates, birds just like him. *Current home: The Ocean Ive always had trouble with traits sorry. |
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Post by Icara on Aug 14, 2017 18:26:05 GMT
Traits are quite easy, let's say, you have "tough" "rude" and what could be said as "untrustworthy"
so just take the traits from your paragraph and list them like this
positive:
negative: rude, untrustworthy
neutral: tough
then add few more traits so there are at least three of them so the character's personality is balanced
now thinking, I think adding a traits list won't be bad since other people can have this problem too
also, could you please delete the things in brackets? like those: (parahgraph, trait list or both) it quite breaks the nice picture of the overall look of the application ^^'
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Post by Razar on Aug 15, 2017 16:25:46 GMT
I hope its okay now
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Post by Icara on Aug 16, 2017 5:36:20 GMT
Traits are fine now, just few more things
Maybe expand the personality paragraph a bit? Like when and how do the traits you listed show up in different situations
And also history - why was he raiding other birds? Is there any information about where he was born, how he ended up in the Ocean (I'm pretty sure hawks aren't seabirds), and how did he join the pirates?
Oh, and I forgot, could you pplease specify which hawk is he? There are many species of hawks
Sorry for all the bugging ^^'
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Post by Razar on Aug 16, 2017 17:31:49 GMT
I don't feel like adding to that because I have no idea what to put sadly.
Id say he would be a Red-tailed Hawk.
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Post by Icara on Aug 16, 2017 18:24:06 GMT
Alright then, but you can add that later. Also, I would put the clawed out eye to Significant features, since it's a very significant feature  |
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Post by Icara on Aug 22, 2017 13:57:16 GMT
Hardy-Har-Har has been accepted and you may now roleplay with him. Don't forget to post in Allegiances and Used names! |
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